So let’s go ahead and throw a disclaimer out. This is going to be one lengthy, chit-chatty, girlfriends talkin’ over coffee kind of post. I have no styling tips to offer you, no sale finds, no must have spring wardrobe pieces… I just want to chat, catch up, and let you in on my life for a minute.
A few weeks ago, I told Riley that I wanted to take some “headshot” type of photos. I have been itching for a little bit of a rebrand since coming back to the blog after a little hiatus. I got done up, put some cute clothes on (you can find my top here,) and we headed out. This need for a rebrand/ refresh came from a maaaajor mindset refresh from my hiatus. So let’s back it up and i’ll tell you about why I took a break from social media and blogging.
It was February and I was a month and a half into my first semester at my new school. My grades were starting to drop, I was drowning in papers I didn’t know how to write, and scrambling for tests I wasn’t ready for. Transferring from community college was a lot harder than I expected. I started becoming super hard on myself because I was falling short of my own (hypercritical) expectations. At this point, I was taking 17 units of classes as well as working part-time and trying to run the blog. Suddenly, my fun creative outlet that my blog started as became a tedious duty. What can I wear that people will like? Why can’t I get a perfectly themed feed? Why is no one reading my posts? My mind was constantly buzzing with the pressure to post a perfectly styled post, engage with every blogger I follow, and have the cutest new outfits. I was blowing money to keep up with everyone else’s posts and the blog became nothing more than another item on my daily to do list. Between school, work, and blogging, I was a tightly wound , stressed out mess about 98% of the time and that is NO way to live, especially as a twenty year old college student with no real problems.
It’s kind of important to know that I have a history of anxiety and panic attacks. At this point, I was starting to “relapse” so to speak into my anxiety. My anxiety isn’t cute, it isn’t me feeling nervous. It looks something like me walking out of a class and hyperventilating because i’m so overwhelmed. Or crying because I didn’t have enough hours in the day to do blog related tasks. It was ugly and I could feel myself becoming so miserable and losing sight of the things I normally enjoy. So, I took a step back. I realized that a less than ideal GPA was going to be okay this semester and that I wouldn’t lose everything I worked for if I stepped back from the blog for a bit.
My semester was coming to a close last month, when I finally was firmly planted in reality and realized that it’s going to be juuuust fine and that it was just a rough patch. I’m no longer dealing with as much anxiety or as many panic attacks (woohoo!) which is amazing because oh my gosh, anxiety is a monster. It’s so cliche, but think i’ve come out of the past few months a lot stronger and with a new perspective.
As far as blogging goes, i’m back into it. I have been loving Instagram again and have changed some things. I’m trying to include more “me” into my feed. I personally love bloggers that I feel like I know. It’s nice to click someone’s profile and see squares on squares of perfectly color-coordinated and styled photos, don’t get me wrong. However, the bloggers that I end up truly following along with and loving are the ones who I feel a connection with. I’m trying really hard to be authentic. I’m making my pictures and theme less “perfect,” trying to include some of my life and sense of humor in my captions, and i’ve been loving sharing glimpses of my life and thoughts through Instagram stories. Which leads me to my next adventure… youtube! I’ve been in a bit of a rut with the blog and to be honest, I don’t love taking outfit photos and writing posts all that much. I love writing helpful posts (like this, this, and this) but trying to write a paragraph about a shirt is reaaalllly hard for me. I feel like when I make IG story videos, i’m connecting with you guys and getting to show my personality more. My goal is to chat like girlfriends, offer my opinion, and share tips with you guys. I think that translates much better over video, so I am trying my hand at that starting very, very soon.
As far as school and life goes, i’m feeling really optimistic. I learned so much from my mistakes this semester (not asking for help, procrastinating) and I know for a fact that I will do better next semester. I wish school came super easily to me, but it doesn’t. I have to work hard and make an exaggerated effort to have discipline because I would rather do other things with my time. Come fall, we’ll try again. Just give me the damn diploma already!
You guys, I can’t thank you enough for the love & support y’all give me. There’s nothing better for me than truly engaging and forming friendships through this crazy internet thing. I don’t have an insane amount of followers, but the ones I have are amazing.I wish we could all go out for tacos and margs and chat because there are so many amazing gals out there. If you’re going through a rough patch, or feeling unsure of where you’re at, just rest in the fact that you aren’t alone! It’s so easy to compare your worst to everyone’s best. I mean look at these photos… i’m all smiles, made up, and you would never guess that that same week I had a full fledged panic episode and probably binge ate a bag of flaming hot cheetos (no shame!) Everyone is just doing their very best. We’ve got this ladies.